theEDGE

Why Marriage?

Does sex just happen? TV seems to indicate that it does, but the reality is much different. If you think about relationships you see every day at school they usually start with attraction - the boy notices the girl, or the girl thinks the boy is cute. So they talk to friends, find a way to meet each other, and start spending time together.

As they are getting to know one another the couple are faced with influences that will affect their decisions on whether or not to have sex. These influences can include friends, media, and each other. Pressures can be resisted, but what happens if the couple gives in and makes a decision to have sex? After all, married people have sex and it strengthens their relationship, right?

Absolutely, sex within a marriage relationship is a wonderful, intimate experience that promotes bonding between a husband and wife. So why is it that adding sex to a dating relationship has such an opposite effect?

If you draw a circle around all that represents a simple dating relationship, there should be good things inside that circle. Things like trust, commitment, shared values, communication, and respect. If you bring sex into that same dating relationship, it isn't just a small thing but rather is a big deal, becoming the focus of the relationship. Sex often becomes the sole purpose of the relationship, taking over so that it fills the entire circle. And when that happens it pushes the good things out, replacing them with fear, jealousy, confusion, anger, loss, hurt feelings and depression.

Why does that happen in a dating relationship but not in healthy marriage? It is because there are great differences between the two. A dating relationship is not a clear commitment. A healthy marriage has as it's foundation commitment, trust and communication. Since these three things are firmly established, sex is only one part of the relationship. It is a part that enhances and deepens the relationship, bonding the married couple together in a powerful way. So fear, confusion, regret, loss and depression are not side effects that exist for married couples.

You can make a decision today which will show love for the person you eventually marry, even if you don't meet that person until years later. Sure, it can be hard to think beyond what is happening this weekend, or this summer. But the benefits that come from placing your future and your spouse's future before momentary pleasure are far reaching.

Just as a fire brings warmth and comfort in a fire place but damage and destruction outside of one, so sex brings benefits in a marriage relationship but damaging consequences outside of one. Get theEDGE on life, save sex for marriage.